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How To Be Likeable and Sell More

Reading time: 4 – 6 minutes

“If you build it, they will come” only works in the movie ‘Field of Dreams’. In the business world, simply launching a website for your business does not guarantee customers will be breaking down your door to buy from you.  Of course there are social media tools like Facebook, Twitter, and Tumblr that can help you with customer acquisition, but more often than not if you really want to establish a strong connection with potential customers you will have to meet them IRL (AKA: In Real Life).  You have to network, network, network!  Networking is the vital next step after you’ve engaged with them on social media marketing channels.  I’ve had conversations with hundreds of people on Twitter in the last year, but its the people that I’ve met at conferences or meet-ups who have become customers or evangelists for my business.  In this ever changing digital world, the face to face hand shake still holds a lot of weight.  IMO, sales or the act of selling is more about having the customer like you than it is about the product you’re selling.  Of course you need to have a good product as well, but the deciding factor often boils down to the likability of the salesperson. Imagine this scenario: two sales people approach you about the same product, one is knowledgeable but not so friendly and the other is not as knowledgeable but has a positive attitude. Who would you buy from?

So what does it take to be likable?  According to a famous study by Dr. Albert Mehrabian, people determine if they like another person based on three elements. Non-verbal communication, tone of voice, and verbal communication. Based on Dr. Mehrabian’s research, he found the determination for liking another person was 55% based on non-verbal communication, 38% tone of voice, and just 7% for the actual words spoken (verbal communication). I have listed 3 social skills you should practice to become more likeable:

1) Mirroring – A technique where the listener subtly replicates the gesture or positioning of the speaker. Mirroring helps to create rapport because on the subconscious level it makes the other person feel like they are dealing with someone like themselves.  An example of mirroring would be if the speaker scratches their head with their left hand, the listener would also scratch their head with their right hand.  Another example would be if the speaker crosses their legs while sitting, the listener would also cross their legs.  Remember that mirroring must be done subtly and must appear natural. This is core part of Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) that is very effective for establishing rapport.

2) Kinesthetics – Humans feel a deeper connection to each other through physical touch.  When someone touches us we feel tend to feel closer to them.  When we are in a social setting, you will notice that when someone hugs you tend to feel closer to them at that moment.  They become more likeable.  In a business setting, a handshake between two people can create a basic level of rapport where the customer becomes more open to hear what you have to say.  During conversation, simple gestures such as a subtle pat on the shoulder continue to establish a connection between people increasing the level of rapport. Practice using subtle touch during conversation with friends, lovers, and colleagues and you will notice a significant increase in rapport.

3) Empathy - Its the ability to relate to another persons feelings.  Research has shown the your ability to empathize increases with the size of your social circle.  A larger social circle means you are exposed to a wider variety of personalities and social situations which improves your social tuning and your ability to relate to people.  Social tuning is being able to read the verbal and non-verbal cues given off by the people you meet and being able to tune your own verbal and non-verbal communication signals for that person.   One example of this is “mood matching”. If the speaker is upset about something and you respond with an excited voice, the speaker will not feel rapport with you. The reverse is true as well. If the speaker is excited and you respond with an indifferent voice, the speaker will not feel rapport. You need to tune your responses to the mood of the speaker.

Additionally, people are usually more responsive to one of three kinds of sensory input: visual, auditory, or kinesthetic. Once you determine which they respond better to, you can tailor your message to the sensory input their subconscious is more agreeable to.  For a visual person, you can use sentences like “I see what you mean”.  For people receptive to auditory signals you can use sentences like “I hear what your saying”. For kinesthetically receptive people you can use phrases like “I understand how you feel“.